As most of you know, I have been to Europe multiple times for multiple events. I love Europe. It was my first choice to move to, and it is still home to my favorite place in the entire world, Seville, Spain. So when I picked Uruguay, I expected a European vibe to it, just because of the fact that it was settled by Europeans. What I was not prepared for was how much it feels like Europe once you are actually here living inside it. The food culture, the drivers, the architecture, even the malls feel familiar in a way that is hard to explain until you experience it. At various points this past week I have felt like I am in Germany, Spain, Italy, and even a little Morocco, and it is really cool how naturally it flows between those vibes.
Early in the week I had one of those moments that makes you stop and just stare for a second. I walked through a mall that used to be an old prison. Which is perfect, because nothing says “freedom” like swiping a credit card in a building that used to specialize in taking it away. The only thing that changed is now people do time willingly, in line at the food court. That was my first real clue that Uruguay does not just recycle history, it repurposes it with style.
As the days went on, the biggest lesson stopped being about buildings and started being about pace. There is no rush here, and I like it. Uruguayans have a word that explains the whole operating system: tranquilo. It basically means calm, easy, unbothered, take it slow, everything will work out. Not lazy, not careless, just a steady “we are not doing unnecessary stress today” energy. It is how they live life. You feel it everywhere, from how people walk to how long they stay at a table. If you try to bring big American urgency into the room, tranquilo shows up, takes your urgency by the collar, and walks it outside.
That is when sobremesa clicked for me, too. Finish your meal. It is expected that you spend another twenty minutes relaxing and talking to the people you are with. Sobremesa means the unrushed time after eating where you stay seated and talk, drink coffee or mate, argue gently about nothing, let digestion and life happen, and decide the day can wait. I do not really have favorite foods, but I do have favorite words, and that one just entered my permanent rotation. It is not just a cute word either. It is a lifestyle choice, and it pairs beautifully with tranquilo.
Now, let’s talk about what I have actually done so far, because this is where I probably disappoint you, my merry band of 25. Yes, that is how many of you are signed up to this stupid blog idea. Twenty five people in the entire world that I want to know my life. Sure, others can sign up, but I am not holding my breath. Anyway, my adventures this week have been wildly glamorous, if you define glamorous as “adulting in a foreign country with a translator and a spreadsheet.”
First came the grocery runs, with Mazie a top priority. Three different trips, three different grocery stores. I was price shopping, learning what is available, learning what is cheap, like yogurt, and what is expensive, like ketchup and mustard. I did not have “condiments are luxury goods” on my 2025 bingo card, but here we are. But those trips were not just about food, they were about figuring out daily life. Grocery shopping is language practice under fluorescent lighting, and thank goodness for my handheld translator because without it I would be guessing my way through half of my cart and accidentally buying squid in bulk.
Somewhere in the middle of all that, I spotted this store and I was genuinely excited to go into and potentially buy something. I saw the sign and thought, “Now we are talking. This is going to be my new favorite store.” It was not. I was retail catfished.
After I got a feel for groceries and prices, I moved on to the next very real part of relocation: appliances. A lot of places are not automatically stocked the way Americans expect. From water heater to sink, you are on the hook unless the apartment is already set up, which is unlikely. I went shopping to figure out what I would need, and honestly, the upside is I was genuinely surprised by how affordable the appliances are. Yes, they are much smaller than the American versions, but I can get everything delivered for under two grand, and we all know I can install that shit myself. The only problem is getting my fat old ass into those tight spots and back up off the floor without making the evening Uruguayan news as the fat American trapped under a sink. There is a porn movie plot in there somewhere, and I would prefer not to star in it.
And because I cannot just “feel” my way through this move, I have been tracking it like a borderline unwell person who loves data. I have tracked every dollar I have spent and loaded the receipts into my AI chatbot, which is organizing them and looking up American equivalents so the comparisons are actually fair. That gives me a delta on costs that feels realistic instead of just vibes based. I am not trying to do the “everything is cheaper” or “everything is more expensive” thing. I want to know what it costs for the way I actually live and the way I actually shop, and the receipts do not lie. This is turning into a little case study that is way more useful than I expected, because it forces me to pay attention to patterns, not just one off purchases.
Which brings us to right now.
Today’s agenda is simple. I am going to an Abitab and struggle through the language barrier to get my STM bus pass. Tomorrow is the Feria de Tristán Narvaja, the largest outdoor market in the country, and I need that bus pass to get there and hopefully buy some fresh veggies. After that, I am heading to the Rambla, the thirteen mile long walkway on the coast. After getting some sightseeing in, I plan on doing the local thing and sitting on the seawall watching the sunset and enjoying a beverage of my choice. Locals drink yerba mate, but I think I am going to stick with an overpriced coffee because I am easing into this whole “local habits”. Tomorrow’s market, by the way, also has antiques and about anything else you could want, so I will be sure to provide some photos of the adventure, and probably something I absolutely do not need but will buy anyway because I am weak.
And next up, the bigger test.
Now I am beginning to put together the 70 km trip to Maldonado. This is a city that is high on my relocation list, but it is about a one and a half hour bus ride from Montevideo to get there. I am waffling on whether I should take the bus like a sensible adult or spend $45 and rent a 400cc motorcycle for the trip like I am auditioning to replace Lisa Lefteye Lopez. I will stay there in a hotel one night. Maldonado is right next to Punta del Este, which is the very touristy, very expat area. I was dead set on Montevideo until Aldo, my relocation attorney, suggested I check out Maldonado too, so now I am doing what this trip is really about. Less vacation, more learning, more testing, and more data to make the smartest choice I can, because vibes are cute but I would like my decisions to survive contact with reality.
Sorry for the ramble post. I told y’all this was less about vacation than it was about learning. But I still took some pics for ya 😉
Puppies and kittens.
Q
Q is a meat Popsicle living in Nashville with hopes and dreams of running away to Uruguay to retire earlier than all his friends. Skilled in the witchcraft of not giving a damn about the Jones’ and filled with a did it or damn it mentality. His thoughts are his own, and he is no role model.
